Her
by jessica499499
Summary: Sarek had only had one love. One mate to his soul. When he lost her he lost everything. All he had left was her memory. Her memory and his dreams. Takes place right after the movie ends. Sarek/Amanda. I could really use reviews!


He said nothing when she spoke in absolutes.

_(I will always love you)_

He tolerated her dismissive nature.

_(Who cares what they think? Your opinion is the only one that matters to me.)_

He was amused by her fretfulness

_(I don't care if you're the most capable and logical choice! You're not going to a world with -50 degrees temperatures!)_

He found her intelligence level acceptable.

_(Learning Vulcan took me little over a year. Learning how to understand Vulcans didn't take nearly as long.)_

He valued her understanding.

**I will be needed on Telnet V for the next 6 months. The atmosphere is not suitable for human constitution, so you will have to remain on Vulcan while I am gone. **

_(I understand Sarek. I know you'll return home to me as soon as you can. I'll miss you.)_

He accepted her whimsical nature.

_(Just because we don't understand it doesn't mean it can't be wonderful.)_

He knew she had changed him

_(You never smiled like that before we met.)_

But most of all, he missed her.

He missed everything about her.

He missed the way her mind felt intertwined with hers

He missed how she always knew how to make his stress disappear.

He missed how she never judged him.

How when she looked at him, he felt like he could never do enough good in his life to earn the love in her stare.

There were times when he was certain that the pain of losing her had physically manifested itself into a stabbing sensation in his chest.

It hurt to even see his son, who bore the eyes of his lost love, but understood his pain.

At least Spock had formed a new bond with his captain to help him with the loss of his mother. Sarek had no one. His family had all but disowned him when he had chosen Amanda as his bondmate, and Amanda's family had no warmth for the man who had taken her from her home world.

He knew it was his responsibility to help repopulate the species, but he couldn't help but feel a faint sense of guilt. He'd pledged his soul to Amanda and though he had another wife before her and was statistically likely to take another, he felt she was his one true wife.

The rift where her mind had been torn from him had been left raw and ragged, like a tare in a fabric that was slowly fraying from the edges.

He wanted nothing more than to bind that end to another mind, a logical Vulcan who would rationalize the pain away. But he knew that would only make it worse.

He missed her and he knew he would never stop missing her, but with time he hoped it would become easier to bear.

The only thing that gave him any comfort was his dreams, the one place he could be with Amanda. Most Vulcan's didn't dream. The species had long since mastered the ability to stop their consciousness from forming them, but Sarek's mind didn't have the strength to anymore.

So he allowed himself to dream. To allow his perfect memory to engulf his subconscious and bring Amanda back to him. He could remember the way she held him close, the way she smiled, and the way she knew him.

She was his happiness and without her he could not be content. Could not exist as he had before. He would not go back to who he was before he knew her and could not be who he was when she was with him. So he was left adrift in his anguish.

So like the many Vulcans that withered away from the loss of their mates Sarek too succumbed to madness of his broken bond. The high council arranged for him to be placed in private chambers while the madness consumed him and to allow him to die in peace. They had brought enough mind healers to Sarek to know there was no saving him. He had found his match in Amanda and the loss of such a mate was beyond repair for even the masters of Gol.

So he was left alone to await death, left to sleep away the last of his days in the embrace of the memory of the only woman he had loved.

His last sight was that of her smile and with it he found peace.

* * *

><p>This one's pretty sad. I didn't mean to make it so sad. I was actually going for peaceful and uplifting yet it got sad really quickly. Sorry. Please still read and review. The goal as always is five.<p>

Yours truly,

Jessica499499


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